my vag is so smooth its legendary
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
