and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
