Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
