did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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