I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
