Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
