he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
