did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
