Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
