I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
