I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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