Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
