She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
