cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
