That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
