I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
