pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
