don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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