I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
