I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
