the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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