4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
