Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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