Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
