im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
