dude i'm inner monologue high
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's blow job season.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
