We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
