your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
