wat bout pragnant strippers??
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
