I love watching others lives come down to our level.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
