I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
