I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's shark week go big or go home
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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