she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
