dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
