are you so shy because you have an std?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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