I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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