are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
