Tell her she can't have a vagina
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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