it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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