I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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