Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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