oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
