then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
