Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
