Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
