remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
