I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
