i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
