Tell her she can't have a vagina
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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