i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
