Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
