I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
