Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
