I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
