she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
